drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
