Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
