Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
