That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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