I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
they need to just BURY HIM!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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