no, he came in my armpit
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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