All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
