Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
