have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
