it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
