**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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