She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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