Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
