I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A bitchslap is in order.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
