shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
