bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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