Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
