my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
