At least make sure they are 18
Why
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
