Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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