he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
