walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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