Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
