I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
