Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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