You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You've changed since you got that strap on
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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