Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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