Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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