After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We are all done wearing pants today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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