If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
