Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
