There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
