What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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