It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
