I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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