The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
