If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
