Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
