he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
