There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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