Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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