We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
