A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
