I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
