oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
two words: eviction party
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
