Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
