How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
