Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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