So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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