would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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