you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
