I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
