Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
