Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
