YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
