p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's just like the Real World with babies
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
