seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
