I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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