4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
