do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
