I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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