broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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