if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
