omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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