Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
