shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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