the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
