I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
