i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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