New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
