Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
