i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
